Through the Blackhole
I have gone numb to everything. Colours, feelings, happiness. I can't feel anything. All that is left is hopelessness. I don't enjoy the things I used to. I want to run away. I can't take it anymore. Fighting that nameless, multi-faced thing. I am not a survivor. I cannot live in the world because I cannot accept it for what it is. Which is why I am not upto the world's mark. I don't see any point in living life like this. I don't see any point in anything. I am tired and have no energy left to fight anymore. All I want to do is just rest and rest and rest. I want to run away. Far far away from this maddening crowd. I am so restless. I cannot find happiness anywhere. I have tried and tried and finally now I accept defeat. I always say "When is life ever fair?". Now I add this to it: "And if you are born on the unfair side of the balance, it'll semper be unfair for you." Wherever I am, I am never happy. I don't have a home. I am a nomad. Searching through sands of time for that elusive treasure. Going through mirages and illusions of the ideal oasis. I can't live anymore. I have no interest in anything. What should I live for when I know that these days will never ever go from my life? When I know I have to live with this burden of guilt till the end of my time? What will people give me and what can they do for me except for shunning me because I dared to be different? What is the purpose of life then? Why do you need to live and for what? For whom? For love or for money or for ambition or for proving yourself? To whom and for what? And why doesn't God ever answer my questions still remains a mystery for me. I have called onto him inumerable times (atleast I think so) and still am calling to him. For once please God please answer my questions. I swear I will never ask for anything ever again. I am waiting...
posted by ayashe kwidinok @ 12:45 AM
1 Comments:
Not an attempt to answer...just that I couldn't resist the temptation of having my say on this one...
"Why" Q.s in general, as someone important once told me, are difficult to answer.
This particular Q. "Why live?" in particular being the one I find most difficult to answer.
I do not know as to how many people around us actually come up with this Q. independently. That it occured to me once, long back, I consider it simultaneously both fortunate and unfortunate. I have not been able to "deal with" this Q. to my satisfaction ever.
But what I have found I think is a way around it. A simple theory. To follow this way, one need not give up the "Why quest" altogether, just set it aside. This being the most difficult Q. surely the answer may not come easily and quickly. The answer may never occur to one at all. The chances of the answer occurring to one, I think, are proportional to one's lifespan. I think if one is so arrogant as to proclaim one to be different than all other people and worried about answering this particular Q., how difficult would it be for such a person to become like these "other people" around for once, until atleast the Q. has been answered? Be part of the system but dont lose sight of your target- "answering the Q.".
To run away would be criminal, since you never know the fraction of the population to whom such a Q. occurs and who are willing to think on it itself might be a minority. Else, if one is claiming to be a quitter then one should be a true quitter by quitting this "gotta answer the WHY Q." quest too. Things should be simpler then.
P.S.: I do not know if you have read the Brief History of Time by Dr. Hawking. In it he elaborates beautifully on the "why are things the way they are" problem.
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